I Would Never Open My Eyes Again
by XLadySnowX
Summary: Because when it's real, when you love someone, you can't just walk away and never come back. No matter how hard you try... you just can't. 'Valentine's Day' Fic. One-shot. Sean/Holden - Slash! Holden's POV. Don't like, don't read.


**Title: **I Would Never Open My Eyes Again

**Fandom: **Valentine's Day (2010)

**Pairing(s):** Sean/Holden

**Summary: **Because when it's real, when you love someone so much that you forget you're your own person and every fiber of your being hurts when you're not around them, you can't just walk away and never come back. No matter how hard you try... you just can't. 'Valentine's Day' Fic. One-shot. Sean/Holden Slash!

**Rating/Warnings: **M - Slashy goodness, just some heated kissing and fluff... I might do a Part 2 with a lemon if this gets good response, however. =]

**Timeline: **Takes place during the end of the movie. Alternate scene between S + H.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Valentine's Day... if I did, this would've been a part of the movie! I wouldn't mind owning Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane, however... I don't own the poem, the poem is "I Would Never Open My Eyes Again" by "Tigress Luv". It is borrowed for my story because I think it embodies Sean and Holden perfectly.

**Author's Notes: **I'm convinced that Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane are meant to be together after seeing "Valentine's Day". Sean/Holden is totally my OTP. And I know I wasn't the only one who felt ripped off in the end of "Valentine's Day" when there was no makeup kiss between the two. The yaoi fangirl inside me cried. And so, this fic was born. Read, review, enjoy - no flames please. ^_^

**---**

**If you were to leave me  
I would never open my eyes again  
For what would I see  
but a world full of pain  
I could only sleep forever  
for solely there, in my dreams  
could I once again have you  
Only there would I never miss... you and me  
Only there would I never miss...your sweet, blue eyes  
as they hold the serenity I seek  
Filled with a soulful knowledge  
softened by the love between you and me  
Only there would I never miss... your kiss  
so passionate and true  
the door to my heart  
Is opened when I kiss you  
Only there would I never miss... your gossamer touch  
as you caress my naked skin  
every inch of me crying out  
in lustful need to take you in  
Only there would I never miss... your comforting voice  
so special when I hear  
The music of your breath  
so very close to my ear  
Only there would I never miss... your warm body  
resting peacefully next to mine  
While moonbeams dance shadows  
our breath matching in time  
Only there would I never miss... your love  
held just for me alone  
for in it I feel alive  
for in it I have reason to hope  
Yes, if you were to leave me  
I would never open my eyes again  
I would keep them closed  
forever in blissful dream  
For only there would I never miss... You  
this above all  
for you are a wonder  
you are a dream  
you are everything...  
To me. **

**---**

You know, if you had asked me to come back here on New Year's, I would've refused. Vehemently. You couldn't have _paid _me to return to the home of Sean Jackson. Not after the fight we had before I left. I sighed deeply as I recalled the harsh words that were said and the broken expression on Sean's face as I turned on my heel and walked away from him, ignoring Sean's pleas for me to come back.

_"I can't be in a relationship with somebody who's embarrassed of me."_

I'll tell you this much - nothing had surprised me more than when I opened my eyes on the plane to see Sean Jackson coming out of the closet live on air. Originally, I'd been going to Los Angeles to pick up my stuff from Sean's house, but now, I was going back for an entirely different reason than what I had intended. I recalled how agonizing the plane ride was after I heard Sean's announcement - if someone had given me a parachute I would've jumped from the plane.

... Okay, no I wouldn't have, but at that moment in time, I would've done anything just to be in his arms again. Suddenly, the fact that it was Valentine's Day no longer upset me. In fact, I was lightheaded and my heart felt... not whole, but better. It wouldn't be whole until I was with him again.

So there I was, standing outside Sean Jackson's huge house by the beach, in which the love of my life was probably passed out drunk in his living room. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the thought, selfishly comforted by the idea that he missed me that much.

I wondered idly to myself whether or not the Captain had been reunited with her family by now. She was a good woman, she deserved more than to just see her son for one night. Twirling the lily flower I held in my hands as I stood outside the front door, I waited until I had the courage to step inside.

_Was I really going to do this? _I thought to myself, pressing my lips together. Did his coming out of the closet live on air really change anything? It was a hard question to answer. But I loved him, I knew that much, and growing up I was taught to always work with what you've got. Our problem before had been the secrecy of our relationship - I _hated _that. I hated not being able to hold his hand in public, or show him any kind of affection. Whenever I had tried to, stubbornly he'd turn away and scold me for it. Eventually I'd just had enough, snapped, we fought, and that was it. I took the first flight out of Los Angeles and I vowed never to look back.

But I did look back. Jesus Christ, I'd barely seen the end of the announcement before I had decided to go back to him. It hurt me horribly to leave him, my heart broke into pieces again just thinking about what we had said to each other.

_"This isn't how you treat someone if you love them - you don't treat them like they don't exist in public!"_

I recounted all the times I'd called up his publicist's office, before I quickly hung up. There had been so many times over the long two months when I ached to talk to him. When I realized I didn't have the guts to talk to him on my own, I'd watch some of his old interviews, just to hear his voice, tears streaming down my face. I'd stubbornly wipe them away before my sister, whom I was staying with before I got my own place, could see them. But she did. Every single time. My sister had deemed me pathetic, and I knew I was, but not being a stranger to heartbreak, she never commented on it.

All of the hurt from the time I was with him to the time I had without him came flooding back to me in one giant wave of agony and I couldn't tell which pain was worse; the heartbreak I went through of him denying me and our love or the heartbreak of not having him at all.

My thoughts trailed back to what the Captain had said about my disdain towards heart-shaped candy, and just how right she had actually been.

---

_"Why do you hate heart shaped candy?" Captain Kate Hazeltine asked, an amused smile on her tired face._

_"I think it's because that it reminds me that this is Valentine's Day, and I'm... recently single." I tried to look as amused as she did, ignoring the gnawing, empty feeling inside of my chest. _

_"Oh." Kate said quietly, turning away from me._

_"Yeah - no, we just... weren't on the same page." I said quickly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. _

_"Sorry." She gave me a small, half-hearted smile._

_"It's okay." I looked down at my lap, willing myself to stay strong. "It's over." I looked over at her so that she could look into my eyes and hopefully believe me. I had always been a shitty liar, but I didn't feel like talking about it, and the conversation would get awkward if details had ot be involved. Most women got angry with me whenever I was nice to them and they found out I was gay - like I was expecting something from being nice._

_"Nothing to be done?" She asked._

_"No, no." I clarified. "I've seen the enemy, and the enemy is me." _

---

Despite the fun I had with Kate on the plane, I didn't want to think about it again. Thinking about her analysis of why I hated heart-shaped candy and all the pain I had been put through would just make me think twice about going back to Sean and I didn't want my subconscious telling me it was a bad idea. Instead of thinking about all the times he'd hurt me, I thought of all the times he held me, kissed me, touched me, made love to me - he hadn't told me he loved me, but I knew he did. He didn't have to say it, although sometimes it bothered me that I could tell him a hundred times in one day and all he could manage was a feeble "You too."

But none of that mattered now. Nothing else mattered, except him, and the fact that I loved him.

_All you need is love, right?_

Letting out one final sigh, I took the key to the front door out of my pocket and unlocked the door as quietly as I could, before stepping inside. Just as I expected, I could see him sitting down on the couch, his head in his hands. He obviously hadn't heard me come in, because his head didn't turn... was he asleep?

I approached silently, and with every step I took my heart beat grew faster and faster until I felt certain it was going to jump out of my chest.

_Oh my God, I'm actually doing this. _Had crossed my mind more than once.

And I couldn't help but smile.

I suppressed the urge to gasp when I actually saw his face. He was within reaching distance of me. Despite how badly I just wanted to jump on him and surprise him, I thought being subtle was a better approach. But dear God was it good to see him again. Suddenly it was as if we'd never broken up. But I knew things would be different this time. I just knew.

I ran the lily across his cheek a couple of times softly. He pulled a face in his sleep, before on the fourth time he finally opened his eyes. There was a few moments of silence between us where he looked down at where I was kneeling on the floor, unsure of whether or not I was real, while I just couldn't take the smile off my face. He looked so sad and alone in the dim light of this big, dark house.

"You saw it." He said simply, a smile spreading across his face.

"Yeah." I replied quietly. "Yeah, I did."

And then I couldn't hold back any longer. Replacing the flower with my hand I cupped his cheek, before I stood up from my position at his feet to crush his lips against mine. I'd forgotten the way my body responded to him; suddenly all my senses were alive, and I'd never felt better in my whole life. He tasted like whiskey, and he smelt the way he always smelt - musky, manly - it was intoxication. It took Sean a moment to respond - for a moment I was afraid he wouldn't, but when he responded, he _responded. _

With a low growl, he pulled me forward so that I sat on his lap, and clamped his hands around my face to deepen the kiss. I licked his bottom lip, tasting the strong alcohol on my lover's lips. He opened his mouth, accepting my offer. So for a while, we kissed hungrily, desperately - our hands were everywhere - gripping onto hair, clothes, slipping underneath shirts. I rocked my hips softly into his, and we both groaned from the friction.

"Not now." Sean pulled back suddenly, breathlessly. "Not now."

"What?" I couldn't help but be offended. I had been yearning for him for so long, and to have a kiss like that and not want to get jump each other's bones straight afterwards was a little off-putting. "Why?"

"Because..." He stroked my face with his hands and any negative emotion I had slipped away. "I want to know how you've been."

I laughed - I laughed because of how careful he was being with me, and I laughed in relief. I slipped beside him on the couch so we could talk, but Sean put an arm around my shoulders to hold me close. I was glad he did.

"I haven't been doing so well." I responded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I looked down at my fingernails. "I've been missing you. A lot."

"I've missed you too." I felt his hot breath against my ear as he kissed the spot of skin just beneath my earlobe. His kiss sent shivers of excitement down my spine and I leaned against him.

"I can't believe you actually did it." I sighed contently, but I still couldn't look at him for some reason. "You actually told the whole world that you're gay. I sure didn't see that coming..." My voice betrayed me by breaking at the end of my sentence.

"Holden..." Sean said gently, and I felt his finger run under my chin as he tilted my face up to look at his. His blue eyes were full of something I hadn't seen before, but I couldn't place my finger on what it was. "I'm sorry. You have no idea..." He cut off for a second, before he licked his lips. "You have no idea, the guilt I feel for what I put you through - I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done, and I'm sorry I couldn't have done that before I became involved you. I was... I was a coward. Before you came along, I didn't think anything mattered more than football. But when you came along, you changed _everything_. You meant more to me than anything else in my life, and I let you slip through my fingers because I was an idiot. You know that old saying; you don't know what you've got till it's gone? You were the best thing that has ever happened to me, because you loved me for me, not because I'm Sean Jackson. You loved me; you never cared who I was. That's why you put up with my shit for so long..."

He was looking at our hands, and I gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm not sorry I've fallen in love with you, I'm definitely not ashamed of you, and I want nothing more than to wake up every morning with you laying beside me. I love you, and I don't want you to leave me again. I'm sorry for being such an asshole, and I promise... I promise if you take me back, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I realized then that I was crying. But finally, these tears I was shedding weren't ones of anguish - they were ones of the utter joy that I just could not express with simple words.

"Sorry." I said in an small voice, trying to chuckle. I reached my hand up to wipe my tears away, but Sean beat me to it. Sean wiped my tears away with his thumb, and he smiled comfortingly at me. He brought his hands to mine, and we laced fingers. I looked down at our entwined hands and felt as if my heart was about to burst.

"I've always loved you, Holden." He repeated, putting his lips against my jaw, before our lips met once more.

"I've always loved you too." I whispered against his lips. "And of course I'll take you back, you stupid jackass."

Sean laughed - it was my favourite sound in the whole world - and I was pushed back against the couch and my shirt was discarded before I could even blink. We kissed again. But this kiss wasn't hungry and desperate like it had been before; this one was slow, sensual loving - it was a promise of the happiness to come.

And that's when I realized I could never leave Sean again. Because when it's real, when you love someone so much that you forget you're your own person and every fiber of your being hurts when you're not around them, you can't just walk away and never come back. No matter how hard you try... you just can't. Because if someone is meant to be yours, they'll always come back to you in the end.

---

**Okay, so I know it was very lovey-dovey romantic, but hello, the movie was called "Valentine's Day". So no flames in the reviews, please. And please excuse any spelling errors, the word document I'm writing on doesnt have spell check :S Anyway, thanks for reading! Like I said, a lemon is up for offer in Part 2 if I can get a good response for this! But personally, I think it's sweeter as a one-shot. But the horny fangirl in me wouldn't mind a sex scene ^_^ you decide! xox **


End file.
